Hope on the Bus

Coming home on the bus from Panama City this afternoon, the bus was pretty empty. While there was no entertaining, enlightening or education conversation to be had, there was a little life drama unfolding in the seat in front of me. So, I played voyeur.  A young girl – probably 4 or 5 – and her Dad, likely in his late 20’s were seated side by side. She was adorable – big round brown eyes and long lashes and jet black pig-tails shooting out either side. Dad was dressed like a middle class worker. Something struck me as odd from the start. Young kids always sit in parent’s lap to avoid paying an extra fare and so more folks can fit on the bus. Even more odd was a child travelling with a father. I’ve seen scores of mothers with children – sometimes one nursing and two in tow. But never a father with child. Even when a couple travels with children, they always sit with Mom. Yet there they were – Father & Daughter.

Things got tense as we were leaving the big terminal. The little girl, in that way that all children are excited about seeing new things, was pointing out this bus and that funny looking man and Oh, Popi, look at the giant flag and squealing and tugging on Dad’s arm and…. Well, you get the picture. Dad is trying to be calm and cool and looking at his cell phone and trying his best to ignore her. Eventually he reaches his break-point and snaps Be quiet and sit still !! And daughter instantly obeys, as she’s been taught to do. Very quiet. Very still. For a while.

But as sure as the sun rises, the urge to move and talk in a child that age just took over. I watched in rapt amusement as she spoke and gestured very quietly to her mirror image in the window. What a conversation those two had !! The hand gestures and the rolling eyes and the over-the-top facial expressions. Hollywood got nothing on this little girl. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing. Slowly, she moved closer to her Popi and, in a very soft tone, started to ask him a question. UP came the hand to cut her off. She saw me watching her and gave me a look like “What am I supposed to do here?”.

My initial reaction to Dad’s behavior was “What a jerk”. And maybe that is true given the culture today in the US. But, Panama is not the US. This young man is merely a reflection of his culture that gives full responsibility for children to the mother. Dad is merely the wage earner and occasional gift giver. Indeed, I’ve heard from many women in the States, who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s, when distance from Dad was part of the main-stream culture. So, rather than blame, I came to feel sorry for the poor guy – out for a bus trip with a bright and adorable daughter and no clue how to connect or show her affection. Really sad.

Then just as we left Torti and were getting close to my stop, she got sleepy tired, as kids tend to do. She leaned over and put her head in Popi’s lap. He covered her with a towel, put his hand on her head and looked down and smiled at her. Yes, he loves that little girl. My wish for him is that he can come to show her that love and be her friend. As I left the bus, I looked back and him, pointed at the girl, smiled and nodded my head. He smile and nodded back. Maybe my wish comes true. Maybe.